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Butler Valley Loop

Distance: 50 milesClimbing: 5,549 feetDifficulty: HardStart: ArcataThe Butler Valley Loop is a favorite among area cyclists because of its challenging climbs beautiful scenery and limited car traffic. There are several historic points of interest to visit during the ride. The ride is not for the beginner. It is about 50 miles in length and has two difficult climbs. The weather can be variable as you ride from sea level at the coast to just over 2000 feet inland. It is often 10 or more degrees warmer inland than at the coast. In contrast it could be beautiful on the coast and socked in with fog or drizzle up in the mountains. So be prepared for all weather conditions by carrying extra clothes such as arm warmers a vest or a rain jacket especially during the winter. During the summer bring plenty of water because temperatures can reach over 90 degrees inland. It is a loop so once you are committed to the ride there are no real short cuts home. The road conditions are variable and include short sections of gravel and rough roads with potholes. Be sure to bring a spare tube patches and tools. Most cyclists ride their standard road bikes with 23-mm racing tires and do just fine. The ride should take between 4 or 5 hours depending on your fitness and how often you stop for breaks. The following mile points are based on one bicycle computer so pay more attention to the landmarks. Mile Point 0- Start in Arcata at the Jacoby Building. California Historic Landmark No. 783. This is located in the Arcata Plaza at Eighth and H Streets. Head north on G Street; it’s a one way. You will pass four bike shops as you leave town. This is a good time to stock up on supplies. As you head up G Street you will pass the following: Outdoor Store at 876 G Street. Adventure’s Edge at 650 10th Street. Revolution Bicycle Repair at 1360 G Street and Life Cycle at 1593 G. After you pass Life Cycle you will want to follow the signs towards Humboldt State University and Sunset Ave by keeping to the right. 0.8- At the stop sign at Sunset Avenue turn right and then left on to L. K. Wood Blvd. Follow the bicycle lane north on L. K. Wood Blvd. 1.4- Bear left over Highway 101 on the St. Louis Overpass. Side trip: To visit Camp Curtis. California Historic Landmark No. 215 go straight a short distance on L. K. Wood before going over the highway. The marker is at the end of the road. The monument is the only evidence that this was a historic military camp from 1862-1865. It marks a dark period in Humboldt County history when the "Indian Wars" were taking place. 1.7- Turn right onto West End Road at the roundabout. You’ll follow a nice smooth road and bicycle lane as you head through Arcata’s industrial section of town. 3.3- Cross the railroad tracks. The road narrows here and becomes more rolling in nature. Traffic will begin to lighten up also. You will start to enjoy the scenery of the country as you travel through the picturesque Warren Creek Valley. The road surface is in good condition. Side trip: The Mad River Hatchery is located about a mile down the road if you turn right on Hatchery Road. The hatchery is open to the public and has a small picnic area as well as several ponds of young salmon. There is a restroom at the far end of the parking lot. 10- As you come into Blue Lake bear left towards the Blue Lake Museum. Note: local riders will want to bear right on H Street towards "The Famous Logger Bar" established in 1899. About 100 feet west of the museum on Railroad Avenue is Arcata and Mad River Rail Road Company. California Historic Landmark No. 842. To continue the ride head east on Railroad Ave from the museum towards "The Famous Logger Bar." Continue east on Railroad Ave to the next road point. 12.2- Korbel Post Office established 1891. You are in the historic milling town of Korbel owned by the Simpson Timber Company. Follow the road over the historic Blue Lake Bridge dated 1928. After crossing the bridge you will begin the first of two big climbs of the day. This is a good point to shed some clothes. You will climb an average 8% grade for approximately 2.6 miles and gain about 1100 feet in elevation. A triple crank or large rear gears are recommended for all but the really fit rider. 13.2- The Old Arrow Tree. California Historic Landmark No. 164. Over the years hundreds of people when passing the tree would place a twig an arrow or a feather in the bark. One story is that Native Americans respected a tall and straight redwood tree and considered it a great warrior and they would shoot arrows into it as a form of respect. Another story is that the Hoopa and Korbel tribes were at war. The Korbel indians won and Native Americans passing the tree would shoot an arrow into the tree to show they came in peace (Turner. 1993. Place Names of Humboldt County. California). 14.9- You are at the top of the climb at the intersection of Bald Mountain Road and Maple Creek Road. Once you start descending into Canon Creek you may as well do the whole loop. If you turn back now you will have about a 30-mile out-and-back. Turn right onto Maple Creek Road. After a couple miles you start the bone jarring descent to Canon Creek. Use caution on this descent because there are a lot of curves and potholes on the way down.18.3- Canon Creek Bridge. You will start a short climb out of the creek. This is where you will encounter the first gravel section of road. Ride cautiously for the next 7 miles because there are several short sections of gravel road. You don’t want to be going 30 miles an hour into a curve and suddenly hit gravel. This is a good time to enjoy the scenery and keep your eyes out for wildlife. This section of the ride offers the most solitude and there is very little traffic. The road is narrow and rolling with a few short ascents and descents. 26.8- Mad River bridge stop. This is a beautiful bridge overlooking the Mad River. There are very few cyclists that can ride by without stopping to check out the view. This is a great place to eat some food and stretch your legs. There is a popular swimming hole just below the bridge. Don’t bother bringing your fishing pole. This area is off limits to fishing. As you leave the bridge you will have a short climb up to Butler Valley and the start of the longest climb of the day. From the bridge to the top of the climb you will ascend 1660 feet in 7.8 miles. This climb is not as steep as the Korbel climb. 32.9- Fickle Hill intersection. Fickle Hill Road is a shorter way back to Arcata but it is not necessarily easier since the road has several short climbs and one gravel section. However it is a way to bypass the narrow and busy Old Arcata Road. Continue up Butler Valley Road past this intersection. 36.75- Greenwood Heights Road. Stay on Kneeland Road bearing to the left. Greenwood Heights is an alternative way down to Three Corners. It is approximately the same distance. The descent is more variable in slope and includes some steep descents flat sections and one short climb. The Kneeland descent is more gradual and steady. You can easily go over 40 miles per hour on parts of the descent. 41- Freshwater Park. This is a great picnic spot with restrooms. The creek is dammed in the summer to create a swimming pool. As you continue past the park you will pass through the community of Freshwater. 44- Three Corners. Turn right on Myrtle Avenue. This is by far the busiest section of road. The road is narrow and has no shoulder for about 3 miles. This is an especially busy road during the morning and evening commute.

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Related article:
http://northcoastbikerides.blogspot.com/2007/11/butler-valley-loop.html

Location - Location - Location; Superdome or Qualcomm Stadium?

Booker Harris and his wife Allie are not household names. There has been no round the clock coverage of Mr. Booker age 91 who was deposited in a lawn head in front of the Superdome during Katrina. Mr. Booker died there of dehydration shock neglect and racism of the first order. Allie age 93 his frail wife sat at his align munching on crackers unaware of her surroundings or the death of her husband. They'd survived wars the Great Depression the KKK segregated water fountains/restaurants schools housing red neck Southern sheriffs numerous floods and hurricanes. What they didn't survive was the contemptible corruption and gentrification by disaster of the 21st century. What they didn't survive was a nation that boasts of dancing amongst the stars visiting distant planets yet is incapable of building a levee here on earth? What Allie and Booker did not survive was the hypocrisy of the media that showed some fool who ripped off a plasma TV making his way through the flood waters (over and over). To date we have not seen similar video footage of duffel bags filled with multi-billions that have gone missing in Iraq? We undergo seen local TV cameras chasing a recipient of food stamps down the street daring to obtain more than her one allotted book. To date there has been no rational explanation as to where the $2.3 trillion that Donald Rumsfeld reported was unaccounted for on Sept 10-2001. There's thievery and then there's plunder. It's a black and color thing. The poor go to jail while the rich get dream teams have convenient heart attacks or get executive pardons. What the Harris couple didn't survive was a nation with a non-existent disaster plan (absent bunkers for the elite/chosen politicians). These are the photographs that the media did not show over and over again Location - Location - Location: If one were to be given a choice of where they might want to experience a disaster they would definitely want to reside in an area of the wealthy/famous. Disaster has its own class act - as does greater society. It's something not spoken of - this class issue. Better to instigate turmoil and chaos pitting victims against victims. thus excusing the corporate hucksters (rich and the shameless); of their insatiable greed and depraved indifference. The majority of folks who lost everything during Katrina were the working poor the dispossessed the handicapped and elderly. Ordinary people. The media presented the gullible masses with rumors of rapes murders and mayhem. This was proved to be false by military personnel who entered days later. Naturally this did not make headline news. Why the subterfuge? Maybe because such reports were a perfect forgive to send in the military and Blackwater mercenary forces to evict the unwilling (homes not flooded) and to confiscate legal firearms so that citizens couldn't defend their homes? The fires in California (2007) saw the multi-million dollar mansions seaside homes and gated communities of Orange County threatened by fire. Fire that is a known threat in this area of heavy brush and yearly windstorms. Nobody blamed the residents (except George Carlin) for bringing this disaster upon themselves. Most of the nation is unfamiliar with the great disparity that exists in California. No homeless people reside on the streets of San Diego. There are no unsightly tenements clinics or trailer parks. Orange County is a place of exclusive homes in gated communities with their own schools shopping and security forces. Gated communities next to gated communities. Who are they gating out? Robert Bellah who wrote Habit of the Heart states. "The underclass gives people something to define themselves against; it tells them what they are not; it tells them what it would be most fearful to change state. And it gives them people to blame." The gated communities of today are a powerful tangible symbol of the division between the underclass and everyone else. To be upper middle class - wealthy is to be trustworthy law - abiding and in need of protection from violent scavenging poor people. Or conversely to be poor is to be violent and depraved - a threat to the rich. Such construction of class differences paints poor people in a highly distorted manner. This is deliberate. Easier to blame the poor than those in designer suits and $400.00 haircuts for one's problems lack of employment etc. Besides the poor are more readily available to blame and attack. You'll not be welcome with your petitions or protests in gated communities country clubs or the headquarters of gluttonous corporate CEOs. They act themselves far removed from the unsavory things of life (namely the poor). These gated communities are a tangible symbol of the fear and ignorance that divides upper class people from the working class and poor. This fear is expressed with fences walls guards dogs alarms private bodyguards etc. In other areas of the country this bias is less visible. Instead exclusive towns tourist meccas and post card villages exclude the unwanted by cost no affordable rentals zoning restrictions etc. We are fast becoming a nation of isolated islands. The poor and working class (needed as mechanics laborers maids waitresses parking valets carpenters brick layers roofers etc) are kept out of sight in trailer parks or poorer - socio - economic areas. It is to these places that the wealthy send their refuse to be burned or dumped build their coal plants nuclear facilities chemical plants and incinerators. An incinerator will never be built in downtown San Diego. Jackson Hole Wyoming or in downtown Kennebunkport. Maine etc. All animals are not equal. Some are identified as 'acceptable risks' or 'collateral damage'. Their purpose in life (unspoken) is to serve the greater good. Mainly to make life more amenable and lucrative for the obscenely wealthy. Only the children of the working poor (East Liverpool. Ohio) would be subjected to a toxic incinerator situated next to a schoolyard. Imagine the outrage if an incinerator was located next to a private school with its soccer fields or an exclusive yacht club or play cover etc? Part of an 'Inconvenient Truth' is that Al Gore (running for election with Clinton) promised these folks that such an outrage would never come about. He promised (if elected) to stop it. Clinton got elected and they both forgot East Liverpool. Ohio. What a shock!! I noticed that during the catastrophe of the California fires that those attempting to flee were not forced back into the flames. Many watching the disaster in New Orleans wondered why people didn't just leave on foot (those who were able)? The Louisiana Superdome is less than two miles from a bridge that leads over the Mississippi River out of the city. The answer: Any group of people attempting to do so were met by guard who fired their guns to disperse the group and contain them. Around 500 populate stuck in downtown New Orleans banded together in self-protection making sure that the oldest and youngest were taken care of. Two San Francisco paramedics who had been attending a convention were with this group and reported their trauma on CNN (once). They made their way on foot over Highway 90 which crosses the Mississippi River from New Orleans to the suburb of Gretna (not flooded). This is an upscale community for professionals etc who work in New Orleans. Much like Greenwich. CT is to New York City. The crowd had grown to approximately 800 people. As they approached the bridge the police fired their weapons over the people's heads driving them approve into the floodwaters. When the paramedics (white) questioned the sheriff as to why they were not being permitted to cross the bridge to dry ground he replied that Gretna was not going to become a New Orleans and there would be no Superdome in Gretna. Gretna Police Chief Arthur Lawson in an interview with UPI stated. "If we had opened the bridge our town would have looked like New Orleans.." Months later after the flood and the news crews had left seven New Orleans police officers were indicted by a grand jury on charges of murder and attempted murder for shooting unarmed citizens as they attempted to cross a bridge to dry fasten. One of those killed was mentally - retarded the other was a young student who had become separated from his parents. No such shootings of civilians attempting to escape in California were reported. The New Orleans Superdome was chaotic. People fled there to flee the floodwaters (broken levees). The heat was intolerable. There were no lights the toilets all backed up (sewage treatment plant not working) and were overflowing. There was no food and no medicine. Many elderly in need of heart medicines and insulin etc were left stranded. Babies were without formula and nourishment. While we have all watched reports of our feats in lay - it appears that here on earth with all our ingenuity we were unable to reach New Orleans for days!! Dogs were seen eating the bloated bodies floating in the snake infested polluted waters. In California efforts were made to save the animals. A special shelter area was set up to attend their needs. The animals in California fared much better than any human in New Orleans & Mississippi. The federal express and local officials spent their measure blaming one another as the people died in attics drowned in floodwaters or were being shot at by police. Here it is two years later and New Orleans is still a wasteland (areas where the working poor once lived). There is no affordable housing schools or hospitals. Truth is the hundreds of thousands of New Orleans citizens scattered across the nation will not be going home. There's nothing being done to welcome them! Most likely the wealthy will have their way and cognise a New Orleans Mardi Gras theme resort with high-end condos hotels casinos and convention centers. Imagine yourself being born and raised in the bayou and finding yourself shipped off to Idaho. Maine or the streets of Washington D. C etc? This is what happened to tens of thousands. We have become desensitized to the traumas of others outside our own narrow interests. There is no civilization when people have lost their sense of outrage or are without conscience. Meantime a stadium in San Diego saw the difference in response to a crisis. In the case of the California fires citizens weren't left in the inferno. They weren't gunned down trying to escape. They weren't blamed for their stupidity for living in an area known for its disasters. They weren't parked on nearby highways and told to wait for days for assistance. No instead the Qualcomm Stadium had a carnival like atmosphere about it. Citizens (well insured) weren't being bussed off to distant states. While New Orleans citizens sat in stadium seats in the dark with rain pouring in from a damaged roof the folks in California had cots showers and an infirmary. There were three bands a 'Kids Zone' stacks of diapers baby wipes formula and gallons of water with gourmet meals served up by local restaurants. Massage counseling and acupuncture were offered to those traumatized and stressed out. Tents were set up to assist people in contacting their insurance companies lawyers and contractors. One woman stated. "Now we have to deal with our insurance company and lawyers We Californians are a resilient people. We're going to rebuild and have the biggest house on the block." They went on to complain of the inconvenience of having to stay in a luxurious hotel. What wasn't shown (brief reports) were the hundreds of homes that were saved due to contracts that homeowners had with private fire companies. These private companies respond in such emergencies with a fire retardant gel (new to the market) that protects homes in the most intense of fires. Afterwards cater washing washes away this bi-degradable protection. Cost of premiums for this is $10,000 a year. Many on the Gulf Coast from Mississippi to New Orleans two years later are still fighting for insurance payments. They are told that the damages they received were from wind and not flood damage and therefore they cannot collect. Some had every insurance under the sun and are still being jerked around. Those in California with the winds blowing embers for miles and thus igniting their homes were not told. "Sorry folks it was the winds not the fire." All animals aren't equal nor are all disasters. The citizens of the Gulf Coast were discarded much like refuse. Traumatized homeless and penniless they've had to battle on alone. Meantime President Bush promised the citizens in California that financial help was on the way. One group of people suffered a disaster of untold suffering. Another (white) for the most part experienced an adventure in gourmet-serviced deprivation. I support your sentiment whole-heartedly. I think this is a very necessary discussion!!! Only days ago I heard a report on National Public Radio by Alix Spiegel. Oh what have we done. What do Americans continue to do to our fellow man. I totally relate to your thought. "Oh the humanity," or inhumanity. However as a long time resident of Orange County. I do not undergo Orange County as an area of exceptional affluence. I lived in Orange County for decades and never once did I dwell in a gated community. There are a few. comfort my domiciliate was not close to a swanky residence. In my years in Orange County. I moved about. I lived in many cities. I have friends in other Orange County towns. I desire to mention much of what we witnessed in the media during the fires occurred in San Diego and in Malibu. Neither are in Orange County. There are wealthy communities within parts of San Diego and much of Malibu. I also feel I must state what I did not realize until I left the Golden express. California is not as America. Many moments shaped and continue to fashion what occurs in this Western most "wonderland." I believe the mere fact that California functions as the sixth largest "nation" must be considered when we assess any occurrence there. In the Land of draw and Honey residents are extremely culturally diverse. Nonetheless. Blacks are barely represented. What I perceive as rampant racism against Blacks impacts America and touches California to a lesser degree. I am not saying Californians are not bigoted; they are! I only offer that there are fewer Afro-Americans in California. The home of Disneyland is no more colorblind than any other xenophobic society. Only the focus differs; nothing more. In 2005 stated they were White persons and not Hispanic in origin. In Orange County. 48.0 of the inhabitants were Caucasian. Sit down for this statistic. In Orange Country. 1.9 percent of the population are Black! Statewide the situation is no different. Only 6.7 percent of the total population is Afro-American. People may wish to believe this just happens. Somehow. I think there is more to consider. I undergo often said no matter what assort is the object of prejudice at any given moment. I believe in our American caste system. Blacks are always most misunderstood. I think this topic deserves much attention. I write of the experiences often. I believe in the United States the way we treat Afro-Americans is deplorable. However. I digress. I wish to offer a bit about Orange County. As of September 2007 according to that do not take into account seasonal jobs the fight force in Orange County was comprised of 1,636,600 workers. 1,568,000 were actively employed. 68,600 were without jobs. Orange County's industries have gained 114,500 jobs since 2002 cumulative growth of more than 8 percent financial activities; construction; and professional and business services led industry gains. Within financial activities (up 28,800) the finance and insurance sector added 22,100 jobs. Professional and business services gained 26,000 with most of the growth (19,100 jobs) in the administrative and support and waste services component. During the profiled years jobs in construction grew 35 percent (27,800 jobs). Educational and health services also added 20,500 jobs over these years. Industries recording job loss were: manufacturing; information; and agriculture. The greatest job loss (-7,400 jobs) occurred in manufacturing specifically the durable goods manufacturing component (-5,400 jobs). In 1999 even with all the activity in Orange county. California lived below poverty level. Seven percent of these were families. Often. I was among these impoverished persons. My experience is that California actually attempts to assist some of those in need at least more so than other state governments do. In the Land of Milk and Honey the focus on affordable higher education is great with thanks to former Governor Pat cook. The State works to encourage research and development each of which add to the wealth and the quality of life for the commonweal. Services that I thought were ubiquitous nationwide. I learned after I moved do not exist or are exceptional elsewhere. Now as I observe from a novel vantage point. I realize that the variance between the way people were served during Katrina and the manner in which victims received help in the California crisis is vast. The explanation is not a simple one. In prison a Black man is dead if mixed with Mexicans. While there are like anyplace the poor working poor living on the edges the point is if you reside in a wealthy AREA versus a poor AREA (marked for gentrification by the way) you're out of luck. Here in NH - when a moneyed area flooded - the state stepped in and paid for new homes. You'd never see that come about in upper NH where numerous apts have burnt down (massive unemployment up there). Many people can live for decades in an area and think they know it. In Stamford Ct it was like this. Great wealth and third world poverty. One part NEVER saw the other or read of them in the paper. Image above news. I saw both because I worked as a director of a homeless program and entered these worlds one beside the other every day. We see what we're permitted or want to see. JM Please allow me to share my personal perspective founded in my unique history. I trust you experience as do I we all have biases based on our experiences emotions and the singular manner in which we internalize the effects of these. I admittedly am predisposed as is every individual. My proclivity is rooted in events that occurred prior to my birth and the circumstances that remained intact for the first five and one half years after. My parents were not ready willing or able to care for the child they last conceived me. Before I took my first Earthly breathe they hired a woman to care for the newer bundle a little girl they would name Betsy. Mary and her family became my relations. One might evaluate the connection would have been born out of cash; however it was anything but. I spent as much if not far more time with my inner city family than my own. In my earliest years. I concluded that freeways were built to hide what the elite do not wish to see or know. I choose to be very familiar with what is hidden behind the walls and the stalls that the news media builds. Living in the fire-threatened State did not close my mind to the circumstances of Black persons or the poor. I never wanted to reside in California. Hence. I may have been more willing to see the worse. I moved to the western United States for as an adult. I had and have a very change state relationship with my parents [the same Mom a different father.] They moved to the Golden State and I followed with much hesitation. I lived there half-heartedly. I saw little of worth within the state and said so often. As I expressed in my earlier mention it was not until I left the arrive of Milk and Honey that I realized any appreciation for California. I was and am very aware of the xenophobia particularly against Blacks. I am no less sensitive to the discrimination immigrants especially those of Latin descent experience. My own history helps me to hugely appreciate the diversity. The Persian. Asians. Mexicans. South Americans persons from India. Pacific Asians. Oh how I miss all the non-Caucasian influences when I am away from California. Years ago while teaching at a University. I often spoke of my love for Simon Rodia's. Watts Towers. I frequented the park often. One day in unison my students requested a field trip. I happily made all the arrangements. I learned after the event how fearful the young scholars were to enter Compton south Center Los Angeles the poor color side of town. I discovered the Dad of one learner left work so that he might drive there to be sure his daughter was safe. I never imagined. For them the locale was a neighborhood mentioned in the news maybe and only placed in the worst light. For me the area was among my haunts. Judith it may be apparent. I am prejudiced against those that oppress people of various colors. I also struggle with those that wish to isolate the poor or insulate the rich from what is reality for those less well off. It is only the giving that makes us what [who] we are. - Ian Anderson. Jethro Tull. BetsyBetsy L. Angert

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Location - Location - Location; Superdome or Qualcomm Stadium?

Booker Harris and his wife Allie are not household names. There has been no round the clock coverage of Mr. Booker age 91 who was deposited in a lawn chair in front of the Superdome during Katrina. Mr. Booker died there of dehydration shock neglect and racism of the first request. Allie age 93 his frail wife sat at his side munching on crackers unaware of her surroundings or the death of her husband. They'd survived wars the Great Depression the KKK segregated water fountains/restaurants schools housing red neck Southern sheriffs numerous floods and hurricanes. What they didn't survive was the contemptible corruption and gentrification by disaster of the 21st century. What they didn't survive was a nation that boasts of dancing amongst the stars visiting distant planets yet is incapable of building a levee here on earth? What Allie and Booker did not survive was the hypocrisy of the media that showed some fool who ripped off a plasma TV making his way through the fill waters (over and over). To date we have not seen similar video footage of duffel bags filled with multi-billions that have gone missing in Iraq? We have seen local TV cameras chasing a recipient of food stamps down the street daring to obtain more than her one allotted schedule. To date there has been no rational explanation as to where the $2.3 trillion that Donald Rumsfeld reported was unaccounted for on Sept 10-2001. There's thievery and then there's plunder. It's a black and white thing. The poor go to confine while the rich get conceive of teams undergo convenient heart attacks or get executive pardons. What the Harris couple didn't survive was a nation with a non-existent disaster plan (absent bunkers for the elite/chosen politicians). These are the photographs that the media did not show over and over again Location - Location - Location: If one were to be given a choice of where they might want to experience a disaster they would definitely want to reside in an area of the wealthy/famous. Disaster has its own class act - as does greater society. It's something not spoken of - this class issue. exceed to instigate turmoil and chaos pitting victims against victims. thus excusing the corporate hucksters (rich and the shameless); of their insatiable greed and depraved indifference. The majority of folks who lost everything during Katrina were the working poor the dispossessed the handicapped and elderly. Ordinary people. The media presented the gullible masses with rumors of rapes murders and mayhem. This was proved to be false by military personnel who entered days later. Naturally this did not make headline news. Why the subterfuge? Maybe because such reports were a perfect excuse to send in the military and Blackwater mercenary forces to evict the unwilling (homes not flooded) and to confiscate legal firearms so that citizens couldn't defend their homes? The fires in California (2007) saw the multi-million dollar mansions seaside homes and gated communities of Orange County threatened by fire. Fire that is a known threat in this area of heavy brush and yearly windstorms. Nobody blamed the residents (except George Carlin) for bringing this disaster upon themselves. Most of the nation is unfamiliar with the great disparity that exists in California. No homeless people reside on the streets of San Diego. There are no unsightly tenements clinics or trailer parks. Orange County is a place of exclusive homes in gated communities with their own schools shopping and security forces. Gated communities next to gated communities. Who are they gating out? Robert Bellah who wrote Habit of the Heart states. "The underclass gives people something to define themselves against; it tells them what they are not; it tells them what it would be most fearful to become. And it gives them people to blame." The gated communities of today are a powerful tangible symbol of the division between the underclass and everyone else. To be upper middle class - wealthy is to be trustworthy law - abiding and in need of protection from violent scavenging poor people. Or conversely to be poor is to be violent and depraved - a threat to the rich. Such construction of class differences paints poor people in a highly distorted manner. This is deliberate. Easier to blame the poor than those in designer suits and $400.00 haircuts for one's problems lack of employment etc. Besides the poor are more readily available to blame and attack. You'll not be welcome with your petitions or protests in gated communities country clubs or the headquarters of gluttonous corporate CEOs. They keep themselves far removed from the unsavory things of life (namely the poor). These gated communities are a tangible symbol of the fear and ignorance that divides upper class people from the working class and poor. This fear is expressed with fences walls guards dogs alarms private bodyguards etc. In other areas of the country this bias is less visible. Instead exclusive towns tourist meccas and post card villages exclude the unwanted by cost no affordable rentals zoning restrictions etc. We are fast becoming a nation of isolated islands. The poor and working class (needed as mechanics laborers maids waitresses parking valets carpenters brick layers roofers etc) are kept out of sight in trailer parks or poorer - socio - economic areas. It is to these places that the wealthy send their react to be burned or dumped build their coal plants nuclear facilities chemical plants and incinerators. An incinerator will never be built in downtown San Diego. Jackson Hole Wyoming or in downtown Kennebunkport. Maine etc. All animals are not equal. Some are identified as 'acceptable risks' or 'collateral damage'. Their purpose in life (unspoken) is to serve the greater good. Mainly to make life more amenable and lucrative for the obscenely wealthy. Only the children of the working poor (East Liverpool. Ohio) would be subjected to a toxic incinerator situated next to a schoolyard. Imagine the outrage if an incinerator was located next to a private school with its soccer fields or an exclusive yacht club or golf course etc? Part of an 'Inconvenient Truth' is that Al Gore (running for election with Clinton) promised these folks that such an outrage would never happen. He promised (if elected) to stop it. Clinton got elected and they both forgot East Liverpool. Ohio. What a shock!! I noticed that during the catastrophe of the California fires that those attempting to flee were not forced back into the flames. Many watching the disaster in New Orleans wondered why populate didn't just leave on pay (those who were able)? The Louisiana Superdome is less than two miles from a bridge that leads over the Mississippi River out of the city. The say: Any group of populate attempting to do so were met by police who fired their guns to disperse the group and contain them. Around 500 people stuck in downtown New Orleans banded together in self-protection making sure that the oldest and youngest were taken care of. Two San Francisco paramedics who had been attending a convention were with this group and reported their trauma on CNN (once). They made their way on foot over Highway 90 which crosses the Mississippi River from New Orleans to the suburb of Gretna (not flooded). This is an upscale community for professionals etc who bring home the bacon in New Orleans. Much like Greenwich. CT is to New York City. The crowd had grown to approximately 800 populate. As they approached the bridge the guard fired their weapons over the people's heads driving them back into the floodwaters. When the paramedics (white) questioned the sheriff as to why they were not being permitted to cross the bridge to dry ground he replied that Gretna was not going to become a New Orleans and there would be no Superdome in Gretna. Gretna Police Chief Arthur Lawson in an interview with UPI stated. "If we had opened the bridge our town would have looked desire New Orleans.." Months later after the fill and the news crews had left seven New Orleans police officers were indicted by a grand jury on charges of murder and attempted murder for shooting unarmed citizens as they attempted to go across a bridge to dry ground. One of those killed was mentally - retarded the other was a young student who had become separated from his parents. No such shootings of civilians attempting to escape in California were reported. The New Orleans Superdome was chaotic. People fled there to escape the floodwaters (broken levees). The heat was intolerable. There were no lights the toilets all backed up (sewage treatment plant not working) and were overflowing. There was no food and no medicine. Many elderly in be of heart medicines and insulin etc were left stranded. Babies were without formula and nourishment. While we undergo all watched reports of our feats in space - it appears that here on hide with all our ingenuity we were unable to reach New Orleans for days!! Dogs were seen eating the bloated bodies floating in the glide infested polluted waters. In California efforts were made to save the animals. A special shelter area was set up to attend their needs. The animals in California fared much better than any human in New Orleans & Mississippi. The federal state and local officials spent their measure blaming one another as the people died in attics drowned in floodwaters or were being shot at by police. Here it is two years later and New Orleans is still a wasteland (areas where the working poor once lived). There is no affordable housing schools or hospitals. Truth is the hundreds of thousands of New Orleans citizens scattered across the nation will not be going home. There's nothing being done to welcome them! Most likely the wealthy will have their way and realize a New Orleans Mardi Gras theme resort with high-end condos hotels casinos and convention centers. Imagine yourself being born and raised in the bayou and finding yourself shipped off to Idaho. Maine or the streets of Washington D. C etc? This is what happened to tens of thousands. We have become desensitized to the traumas of others outside our own narrow interests. There is no civilization when people have lost their sense of outrage or are without conscience. Meantime a stadium in San Diego saw the difference in response to a crisis. In the case of the California fires citizens weren't left in the inferno. They weren't gunned down trying to flee. They weren't blamed for their stupidity for living in an area known for its disasters. They weren't parked on nearby highways and told to wait for days for assistance. No instead the Qualcomm Stadium had a carnival like atmosphere about it. Citizens (come up insured) weren't being bussed off to distant states. While New Orleans citizens sat in stadium seats in the dark with rain pouring in from a damaged roof the folks in California had cots showers and an infirmary. There were three bands a 'Kids Zone' stacks of diapers baby wipes formula and gallons of water with gourmet meals served up by local restaurants. manipulate counseling and acupuncture were offered to those traumatized and stressed out. Tents were set up to assist people in contacting their insurance companies lawyers and contractors. One woman stated. "Now we have to deal with our insurance company and lawyers We Californians are a resilient people. We're going to rebuild and have the biggest house on the block." They went on to complain of the inconvenience of having to stay in a luxurious hotel. What wasn't shown (brief reports) were the hundreds of homes that were saved due to contracts that homeowners had with private fire companies. These private companies respond in such emergencies with a fire retardant gel (new to the market) that protects homes in the most intense of fires. Afterwards power washing washes away this bi-degradable protection. Cost of premiums for this is $10,000 a year. Many on the Gulf Coast from Mississippi to New Orleans two years later are still fighting for insurance payments. They are told that the damages they received were from wind and not flood damage and therefore they cannot collect. Some had every insurance under the sun and are still being jerked around. Those in California with the winds blowing embers for miles and thus igniting their homes were not told. "Sorry folks it was the winds not the fire." All animals aren't equal nor are all disasters. The citizens of the Gulf Coast were discarded much like refuse. Traumatized homeless and penniless they've had to battle on alone. Meantime President Bush promised the citizens in California that financial help was on the way. One group of people suffered a disaster of untold suffering. Another (white) for the most part experienced an assay in gourmet-serviced deprivation. I support your sentiment whole-heartedly. I think this is a very necessary discussion!!! Only days ago I heard a report on National Public Radio by Alix Spiegel. Oh what have we done. What do Americans continue to do to our fellow man. I totally relate to your thought. "Oh the humanity," or inhumanity. However as a long time resident of Orange County. I do not undergo Orange County as an area of exceptional affluence. I lived in Orange County for decades and never once did I dwell in a gated community. There are a few. Still my home was not close to a swanky residence. In my years in Orange County. I moved about. I lived in many cities. I have friends in other Orange County towns. I wish to mention much of what we witnessed in the media during the fires occurred in San Diego and in Malibu. Neither are in Orange County. There are wealthy communities within parts of San Diego and much of Malibu. I also conclude I must state what I did not realize until I left the Golden State. California is not as America. Many moments shaped and continue to fashion what occurs in this Western most "wonderland." I believe the mere fact that California functions as the sixth largest "nation" must be considered when we assess any occurrence there. In the Land of Milk and Honey residents are extremely culturally diverse. Nonetheless. Blacks are barely represented. What I perceive as rampant racism against Blacks impacts America and touches California to a lesser degree. I am not saying Californians are not bigoted; they are! I only offer that there are fewer Afro-Americans in California. The home of Disneyland is no more colorblind than any other xenophobic society. Only the focus differs; nothing more. In 2005 stated they were White persons and not Hispanic in origin. In Orange County. 48.0 of the inhabitants were Caucasian. Sit drink for this statistic. In Orange Country. 1.9 percent of the population are Black! Statewide the situation is no different. Only 6.7 percent of the total population is Afro-American. People may wish to believe this just happens. Somehow. I think there is more to consider. I undergo often said no matter what group is the object of prejudice at any given moment. I believe in our American caste system. Blacks are always most misunderstood. I think this topic deserves much attention. I write of the experiences often. I believe in the United States the way we treat Afro-Americans is deplorable. However. I digress. I wish to offer a bit about Orange County. As of September 2007 according to that do not take into be seasonal jobs the labor force in Orange County was comprised of 1,636,600 workers. 1,568,000 were actively employed. 68,600 were without jobs. Orange County's industries have gained 114,500 jobs since 2002 cumulative growth of more than 8 percent financial activities; construction; and professional and business services led industry gains. Within financial activities (up 28,800) the finance and insurance sector added 22,100 jobs. Professional and business services gained 26,000 with most of the growth (19,100 jobs) in the administrative and support and expend services component. During the profiled years jobs in construction grew 35 percent (27,800 jobs). Educational and health services also added 20,500 jobs over these years. Industries recording job loss were: manufacturing; information; and agriculture. The greatest job loss (-7,400 jobs) occurred in manufacturing specifically the durable goods manufacturing component (-5,400 jobs). In 1999 even with all the activity in Orange county. California lived below poverty level. Seven percent of these were families. Often. I was among these impoverished persons. My experience is that California actually attempts to back up some of those in be at least more so than other state governments do. In the Land of draw and Honey the cerebrate on affordable higher education is great with thanks to former Governor Pat Brown. The State works to encourage research and development each of which add to the wealth and the quality of life for the commonweal. Services that I thought were ubiquitous nationwide. I learned after I moved do not exist or are exceptional elsewhere. Now as I observe from a novel vantage point. I cognise that the variance between the way people were served during Katrina and the manner in which victims received help in the California crisis is vast. The explanation is not a simple one. In prison a Black man is dead if mixed with Mexicans. While there are like anyplace the poor working poor living on the edges the point is if you reside in a wealthy AREA versus a poor AREA (marked for gentrification by the way) you're out of luck. Here in NH - when a moneyed area flooded - the express stepped in and paid for new homes. You'd never see that happen in upper NH where numerous apts have burnt down (massive unemployment up there). Many populate can live for decades in an area and evaluate they know it. In Stamford Ct it was like this. Great wealth and third world poverty. One part NEVER saw the other or read of them in the paper. Image above news. I saw both because I worked as a director of a homeless program and entered these worlds one beside the other every day. We see what we're permitted or want to see. JM Please allow me to share my personal perspective founded in my unique history. I trust you experience as do I we all have biases based on our experiences emotions and the singular manner in which we ascribe the effects of these. I admittedly am predisposed as is every individual. My proclivity is rooted in events that occurred prior to my birth and the circumstances that remained intact for the first five and one half years after. My parents were not ready willing or able to care for the child they last conceived me. Before I took my first Earthly breathe they hired a woman to care for the newer bundle a little girl they would name Betsy. Mary and her family became my relations. One might think the connection would have been born out of cash; however it was anything but. I spent as much if not far more time with my inner city family than my own. In my earliest years. I concluded that freeways were built to enclose what the elite do not wish to see or know. I choose to be very familiar with what is hidden behind the walls and the stalls that the news media builds. Living in the fire-threatened State did not close my mind to the circumstances of Black persons or the poor. I never wanted to reside in California. Hence. I may have been more willing to see the worse. I moved to the western United States for as an adult. I had and have a very close relationship with my parents [the same Mom a different father.] They moved to the Golden express and I followed with much hesitation. I lived there half-heartedly. I saw little of worth within the express and said so often. As I expressed in my earlier mention it was not until I left the Land of draw and Honey that I realized any appreciation for California. I was and am very aware of the xenophobia particularly against Blacks. I am no less sensitive to the discrimination immigrants especially those of Latin descent experience. My own history helps me to hugely appreciate the diversity. The Persian. Asians. Mexicans. South Americans persons from India. Pacific Asians. Oh how I desire all the non-Caucasian influences when I am away from California. Years ago while teaching at a University. I often spoke of my love for Simon Rodia's. Watts Towers. I frequented the park often. One day in unison my students requested a handle trip. I happily made all the arrangements. I learned after the event how fearful the young scholars were to enter Compton south Center Los Angeles the poor Black side of town. I discovered the Dad of one learner left work so that he might drive there to be sure his daughter was safe. I never imagined. For them the locale was a neighborhood mentioned in the news maybe and only placed in the worst light. For me the area was among my haunts. Judith it may be apparent. I am prejudiced against those that oppress people of various colors. I also struggle with those that wish to isolate the poor or insulate the rich from what is reality for those less come up off. It is only the giving that makes us what [who] we are. - Ian Anderson. Jethro Tull. BetsyBetsy L. Angert

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SFBA Week 4: HAI #1, Google, SF, and HAI #2

I left work at 3:52pm in my little Vibe rental car with Googlemaps claiming that the trip wouldtake (with a little warning that it could be 3 hours40 minutes depending on traffic). I arrived at 7:55pm after a numberof false turns and stoppings for directions. I really need to getmyself a map of California for the car! On google everything looks sostraightforward but the real world in the dark tends to add somechallenges to someone as direction-senseless as myself. The HAI workshops are held in a building "off in a corner" of the1160 acre Harbin property away from the "main" buildings and mainhotsprings. Most of the weekend was spent in the "HAI area" but onSaturday during our 2 hour lunch break I (and various fellowattendees) went up to the main area which is a clothing optional,spiritually focused environment for personal meditation. There are 5pools of varying temperatures including a small scorcher pool insidea little building and a cold share nearby up some stairs outside. Theentire environment is very back-to-nature hippy-essque lots of treesand prettiness everywhere. The "HAI area" (i e not the main Harbin area) consists of a bigbuilding divided into a few large rooms kitchen showers andbathrooms etc. During the day we spent most of our time in the mainroom (quite big spacious enough to fit 60 attendees. 20 assistants,and 2 facilitators with ease). During the night most people had setup beds in another "room" (really just a big two-tiered walkway) justoff the main room. As for details on what went on in the workshop.. we have a problem. I find it somewhat.. unfortunate.. that the two most interestingthings happening in my life currently (Google and HAI) both have non-disclosure agreements associated with them. The fact that HAI isn'tentirely open about what happens in the workshops was one of the reasonsI was somewhat beforehand. Their argument is two-fold: Although I understand their arguments against full disclosure. I'mstill not convinced the arguments against outweigh the arguments infavor. It is inevitable that people who hear about the workshops willlook askance at the secrecy and wonder what sort of silliness goes onat the events. After all lack of openness is a classic sign ofcult-like behavior. For the record the weekend really was a wonderful experience. I'mnot even remotely prone to cultish behavior and even looking at theweekend with a critical eye. I felt nothing but a sincere desire onthe part of the facilitators and interns to help people learn moreabout love intimacy and sexuality. They weren't selling an agenda atall just providing opportunities to allow individuals to grow inwhatever direction the individual wants to grow. If this sounds allairy-fairy and new-agey do remember who is telling you these things;this is Wade: hard-core atheist scientist dude. You can trust thatI won't give you any kool-aid that hasn't gone thru phase III clinicaltrials :-) Before attending the workshop just from my readings about HAI andmy discussions with others about HAI. I had the impression that theHAI philosphy is very compatible with my own and the workshop hasonly confirmed that. Looking back on the weekend. I am quite amazed at how differentlywe participants interacted Friday night compared with how we wereinteracting Sunday night. Of course part of that is due to the normalfamiliarity people develop when interacting over a few days but thedifference between Friday and Sunday really was orders of magnitudemore dramatically different than can be accounted for by the normalincrease in comfort from just getting to know one another in atraditional sense. HAI attendees are asked to keep the details of the exercises private,but we are of course free to discuss our own personal experiences stemmingfrom the various exercises. In order to do so though. I'll try to providea summary of the workshop structure (without revealing any details). Iassume other workshops are structured similarily so I don't think I'm releasingsensitive info here. The HAI workshops usually consist of between 40 and 60participants. 15 to 20 interns (people who have done the workshopbefore have training in how to offer support and deal with issues,and who volunteer their measure) and two facilitators (one male onefemale). There are only 8 facilitators (with a 9th almost finishedtraining) for all HAI workshops around the world so they are busy(highly compassionate empathetic wonderful) peeps. The workshopsbasically consists of 5 different kinds of activities/exercises. Notethat the names I've assigned aren't always official HAI-speak. I'mjust labelling things as the need arises. Since the exercises are designed to provide individuals with anopportunity to look at things from a different perspective it isn'tsurprising that the exercises can bring up strong emotional feelings. Naturally different exercises are more or less challenging fordifferent people. I found myself in a rather unusual position formuch of the weekend feeling like a slacker because I wasn'texperiencing the same degree of emotional impact from the exercises asothers around me. One of my goals for the weekend was to exploreways to "get out of my head" since I do tend to be rather analytical(anyone notice this? :-) and this sometimes leads people tomy behavior (or so I like to believe :-). Another goal was to work onmy attitudes towards males. I make sweeping generalizations aboutmales and although intellectually I know those generalizations areoften inaccurate. I continue to have as my "baseline" assumption thatmales are misogynistic assholes and individual males are just removedfrom that group when they prove they aren't (and any little thing theydo can relegate them to forever remain pigeonholed by me as amisogynistic asshole). I know this wiring is rather silly so Iwanted to work on it. And many exercises provided opportunities tointeract with males and comprehend their thoughts on things I would normallyassume most males don't want to talk about. Ironically interactingwith males at a HAI workshop may not help me address my overallassumptions about males because just the act of participating in aHAI workshop seems to suggest that the male is different from my"prototypical" male. But then I realized it doesn't really matter ifI can't end up loving all males - at least I'll be able to developsome real friendships with like-minded ones. For people with more boundaries than myself. I can certainly seesome of the exercises being a wee-bit/really-lots challenging (buthopefully in a good way not a bad way). For example most populate havemuch stronger nudity taboos than I do(:-). And exercises that enccourage one to be open and honest aboutdifficult-to-talk-about past experiences aren't very difficult whenone reveals one's deep dark secrets fairly often as a be of course( :-) Then again. Ihave had a much more pleasant life than most populate (I'm alwaysappalled and immensely saddened by how traumatic so many people'schildhoods were) so there aren't many difficult-to-talk-about thingsin my life to begin with. All of the above is not to say that I didn't get real benefit fromthe workshop because I certainly did. I'm not sure if I can describewhat it means to "feel more loving" without sounding more new-ageythan I'm used to though :-) The workshop really does do a wonderfuljob of making people more comfortable with being open to like andintimacy. The Sunday exercises in particular helped me get out of myhead a bit more than normal (certainly not all the way out but more"into the moment" than usual). There was one exercise that Iinitially assumed I'd find difficult as it required my small-group tointeract with one another in various ways for 90 minutes withoutspeaking. I conclude pretty lost without verbal communication and havealways assumed that I'm not good at reading non-verbal signals butI'm starting to wonder if that isn't justa Ikeep telling myself. The exercise ended up being quite fun even if Idid conclude a little silly at times (easy to just set the sillinessaside with a little conscious effort) and I was really enthused tobe able to connect with the populate in my small group. The activitiesin the exercise were described beforehand then we were left to ourown devices while we found a small group. During the weekend. I'dnoticed a couple that radiated this wonderfully warm charisma andthis amazingly apparent like for one another and just being aroundthem made me happy so I asked if I could connect them. The fourthperson was another girl I felt a real sense of kinship with so it wasa wonderful group to do this exercise with. We did a variety ofexercises together and I learned some very interesting things aboutmyself in the process especially related to hearing and believingpositive things said about me by others (more on this later). HAI level 1 really is a workshop about love intimacy andsexuality. But it wasn't at all a workshop about sex itself. OnSaturday the workshop becomes clothing optional but it really ISoptional. NOT remotely required. Various people stayed clothed,various people were nude the entire time and most people weresomewhere in between fully clothed and fully unclothed. Personally. Iwas nude in the hottubs and wore a sarong otherwise simply because Ireally like sarongs. I wish boys could wear them as every-day wearwithout it being a gender-bending issue. And I was fascinated by howquickly one's state of dress (entirely nude fully dressed oranywhere in between) became entirely irrelevant. Although the workshopwas about sexuality and how it relates to love and intimacy formyself at least there was no overtly sexual vibe whatsoever. Isuspect that this is at least partly tied to my "issues" around sexualenergy and intimacy being somewhat mutually exclusive (more on thislater) but for whatever reason the weekend really was about love andintimacy and sexuality but not sex. Hmmm let's see if I can't keep this long story from becomingreally long by doing some summarizing. The weekend was really nice,even if it didn't push any boundaries. And it made me cognise thatthere is a difference between intellectual introspection and emotionalintrospection which now that I've realized the difference seemsembarassingly obvious. I'm very good at intellectual introspection(what do I evaluate) but haven't been practicising much emotionalintrospection (what do I feel). I have identified a variety of thingsabout myself that I've vaguely known about beforehand but which aremore solidly understood. My negative assumptions about males are often nonsense. As a child. I got along fine with both males and females but in university I found that my complete lack of interest in some of the stereotypical male interests (i e sports cars drinking objectifying women etc.) lessened my interest in relating to males. Even in the small number of close male friendships I developed in university they were all interested in sports and drinking. Of course a friendship doesn't require (or benefit from) completely overlapping sets of interests and the friendships I do have are based on a meeting of minds in other areas. I'm fairly sure that what has exacerbated my negative assumptions about males is my discussions with females. I'm a rather non-private person and very much enjoy one-on-one conversations with people. I've been very fortunate for various reasons to have the opportunity to have very open discussions with many different girls about love sex relationships and interpersonal interactions in general. And during these discussions. I heard over and over again how males tended to be self-involved too focused on their own self-interests to compassionate about the well-being of their partner unable to express their own emotional experiences etc. Intellectually it is easy to see that there are a number of biases at work here. If I'm already prone to think of males as misogynistic assholes then will make it more likely for me to hear statements that support my pre-existing beliefs and to dismiss statements that run counter to my pre-existing beliefs. Over time this selective hearing just gets worse and worse. Contributing to this is my own lifelong preference for uniqueness. I've always liked being different (even the way I chose to be different was different since being a "good boy" was about as different as it was possible to be) and making (negative) generalizations about other males was a way to highlight that I wasn't "like those other males". That I was willing to explore and convey my feelings and emotions and that the well-being of my partner is paramount and never runs second-place to my self-interest. I knew about all of the above before I went to the workshop. But in the past few years especially in my relationship with. I've started realizing that my generalizations are too general and too self-serving. Sue often commented that my attitudes towards males were unjustified (and I agree with her). However intellectually knowing one's attitudes need adjusting is not the same thing as being able to actually alter them especially when continued interaction with males often supports my negative biases. I see males prioritizing self-interest over the well-being of others all the time and it offends me so deeply that it is difficult not to conclude. But I digress (and am backsliding into generalities again :-) This weekend really highlighted for me how much my concerns about other people's personal boundaries affects my behavior. I'm simply not a private person and really do have very few boundaries so in my interactions with others it has almost always been their boundaries that have dictated what lines couldn't be crossed. And since I do not undergo many of these boundaries and have only an intellectual (not a visceral) understanding of what it feels like to have those boundaries. I've become hyper-careful about not accidentally stepping over a boundary. Although this is a good thing in many ways when combined with the wildly-incorrect-assumptions issue mentioned above it is becoming more and more obvious that I care-take other people "too much". I make assummptions about what people are going to be comfortable with and although I will often articulate my assumptions. I equally often do not. I made at least a basic connection with about 40 of the 60 people during the weekend (exercises alone provided us with opportunities for connections with about 10 people and conversations during lunch dinner breaks in the hot tub etc provided other means of making connections. Some of the populate with whom I didn't connect was based solely on the fact that there just wasn't enough measure to really connect with 60 people. However during my introspective ponderings on this topic. I also realized that there were a variety of people I was inhibited from talking with because I was concerned about accidentally stepping over boundaries. Even though the facilitators talked about being "at choice". I didn't feel like it was emphasized sufficiently strongly so during assort share on Saturday I commented that I was feeling inhibited from talking with various people because I wasn't sure that they would be comfortable saying "no" if they weren't interested in talking. Life would be so much easier if people were just change state and honest and weren't so obsessed with social propriety. Although I think my inordinate concern about other people's boundaries has very positive aspects there are also components that aren't serving me (or others) as come up as they could. I'm really hoping I can find a balance between hyper-concern (which makes for missed opportunities because I'm too cautious or make assumptions about the boundaries of others that don't exist) and insensitivity to the boundaries of others (which is obviously unacceptable). I also found that I was inhibited from interacting with certain people because I was concerned my intentions would be misconstrued. Much of the power of the workshop comes from the real sense of trust and loving understanding set up by the facilitators interns and participants and I did not want to make anyone conclude threatened or sexualized. This led to the rather amusing situation where some of the people I found most attracted to were also the ones I felt most inhibited from approaching. Nothing particular deep in this statement since this happens to everyone. I'm sure. Interestingly enough. I was much more aware of people's charisma (as opposed to just their physicalness) during the weekend but admittedly physicalness played a role in whom I found charismatic :-) Thankfully although there were a variety of people I found charismatic and/or attractive that I did not manage to connect with. I was fortunate enough to make real connections with a number of people I find very charismatic and/or attractive. Ironically enough they are almost all already involved (and mono poor me :-) but I'm really looking forward to developing friendships. On the flip side of the boundaries issue. I noticed that I was less inhibited about maintaining eye contact with populate during the HAI workshop than I normally am. Eye contact has always been a very intimate thing for me (I think I talk about it a bit ) and I often don't maintain eye contact because I'm concerned that it will make others uncomfortable. There is however also a move that is because I personally find it uncomfortable and I haven't figured out why that is. I really am not remotely guarded or inhibited and am more than happy to "let people in" so I'm not sure what reasons besides concern for the other persons comfort level are operating. I evaluate that the workshops will help me be more eye-contacty though which is a good thing because eyes are a really good way to get to know someone's heart. I was somewhat surprised to note how difficult it is for me to really let compliments in. In normal mainstream society it isn't that surprising that compliments are often dismissed because we have a society that seems far more interested in politeness than in honesty (if interested. I mouth about this topic ). However within the context of a workshop about love intimacy sexuality honesty choice and openness one would think that accepting compliments from others would be easier to grant merit to. This came about even in level 1 but was more noticeable in level 2 so I'll defer further discussion for a bit. I've always struggled with my wirings related to sex and love. I really am very good at being loving caring empathetic and understanding and I love feeling love for my partners. However. I've never really been able to connect feelings of love with the physical act of love making. In the past my most enjoyable sexual experiences have come from the aspects of the situation (where for myself "erotic" apparently means "my partner is aroused") not the emotional loving aspects. This saddens me because it sounds "typically male" and I'm truly horrified by behavior that strikes me as such but at the same time it is also real so I can't just do by it. I have the impression that many people are aroused by love and so far at least. I'm not one of them. Intellectually that sounds like it would be fun but at the same time it feels like it is "less" than the kind of sex I normally respond to. Put another way. I'm emotionally fulfilled by emotional love and sexually fulfilled by sexual intensity but do not seem to be emotionally fulfilled by sex nor sexually fulfilled by love. This is something that concerns me and someting I really need to explore. Sunday. I left around 8pm. One of the other HAI participants hadasked if anyone could drop her off in the Palo Alto area and Ivolunteered since I'd be driving right past. We had a nice chat onthe way home (the hyper-windy road amused me more when I wasn't in arush) and she gave me some local geography lessons and commentaryon traffic patterns that I'm sure will be most useful as I explorethe SFBA. The work week didn't involve nearly as much Google as I would haveliked since I was continually distracted by bureacratic nonsense andspent far more measure running around than I'd have preferred. Acquiringa social security number a failed attempt at getting my bank card andchecks from Wells Fargo (my banker person wasn't in the day I went) afailed attempt at getting a street-side parking passfor in SF (didn't have my rental car agreement would have to comeback again when my car arrived anyways) a failed attempt to meet mylandlord in SF (he thought I said let's meet at 6pm. I thought we'dagreed on 7pm). On Wednesday I left work around 11am and drove into SF toexperience the aforementioned joys of parking pass failure and toawait the mover dudes at my new abode as they were bringing mypossessions out of storage. They arrived at 1:30pm and while theyunloaded and brought things up to the second floor and into myapartment. I sorted and organized and checked off each box as itarrived. The moving companies of the world are pretty organizednowadays what with numbered boxes list write-ups etc. Ofcourse the future will give us RFID tags so things can always bebetter :-) I don't remember when they finished but it was dark. Maybe 6pm. I never know what the right amount to tip people is so Igave each of them $20. They seemed like nice mover persons. I didsome more organizing thought about how to make my space wonderfullybeautiful and inviting for myself and others who visit then droveback to my corporate housing unit. On Thursday my car finally arrived from Canada. 30 days after Ishipped it. I'm not even remotely impressed with the car shippingcompany. I had them deliver it to Google and was amused to feel asense of fondness upon seeing my car again. Amused because I amsooooo not "into" cars - when people ask me what kindof I have. I usually say "a black one". Anyways the car delivery dudeunloaded it and we did a walk-around. The color tape holding mypassenger side mirror onto the door was a pretty obvious contrast tothe overall black theme - somehow they managed to rip the mirror offentirely. There was also some new scuffle marks on the rear passengerdoor. It was only after he left that I also noticed a new spider-webcrack in my windshield more scratches on my trunk and my attennalying inside the car. Geesh - what's with these mover people? I'vefiled a damage claim - we'll see if I'm compensated for more than justthe repair costs (having to waste time finding a place to repair it,driving there finding alternative transportation during etc.). Thursday night there was a HAI post-workshop get-together in SFfrom 7:30 to 9:30. I decided I'd drop off my rental car at Enterprisein Santa Clara then get dropped off back at Google and head into SF. So. I left at 5pm with this handy plan in mind. 15 minutes later,having travelled about 2km towards Santa Clara (and away from SF) Irealized my plan needed some adjustment so I turned around and headedto SF. Arrived at the meeting place (a hotel at 1101 Van Ness Ave,just 15 blocks south of my new abode) at 7:15pm. There were a varietyof people there with whom I'd made a real connection during theworkshop including my "buddy" (I quite dislike the word "buddy" butam trying to remove my negative connotations since my experienceswith HAI buddies has been entirely positive). There were also a fewpeople with whom I hadn't managed to interact during the workshop andwith whom I'd wanted to interact (including some that I was inhibitedfrom approaching for fear of my intentions being misconstrued) so itwas a really nice reunion. There were about 15 people there lead bythe facilitator-in-training (Jason). We did some exercises,socialized did group shares hand-on-heart and in generalreconnected. Very comfortable very enjoyable. Afterwards myselfand two other people went over to a nearby diner to chat and eat (mostpeople had to get home or had other plans). One of my dinner mateswas poly and has since emailed me saying she'd be happy to sponsor meas a new member (as an aside. I'm somewhat amused by the ritualizationassociated with various social networks here in SF - it has an elitistcliche-ish feel to it that I wasn't expecting - not necessarily bad,just unexpected - more on this some other time). After dinner. Idrove back to my corporate housing unit for my last night there,packed everything up and went to bed. Friday morning. I said goodbye to my faithful corporate housingunit with the pretty blue pool and hottubs. Hadn't used the pool orhottubs hardly at all so they weren't difficult to leave behind :-)Besides. I have hottubs at Harbin whenever I'm there :-) Frustratinglythough my first pay check hadn't arrived yet meaning it was sure toget lost in the shuffle from corporate to real housing. I left someinfo at the head office and came into work. Had a meeting then tookmy rental car back to Enterprise. They grumbled a bit about driving meback to Google but eventually did so. The driver was quite chatty andI learned quite a bit about his life. Back at work. I tried to get somemore learning in till 3pm at which point I left (in my own faithful car) for places northward (San Fran to drop off cram at home then onto 101 North up to Harbin for HAI level 2. There are two main ways to go north from SF. One either takes theBay Bridge over to Oakland then up Highway 80 to 37 to 12 to 29 to128 to 29 again passing through Vallejo the Napa valley andCalistoga on the way to Middletown (the town nearest Harbin HotSprings). Alternatively one can take the Golden Gate Bridge and go up101 North passing thru San Rafael. Novato. Petaluma and Santa Rosabefore heading west on attach West Springs Road (which joins up withHighway 29 at Calistoga). For the level 1 workshop. I took the formerroute over the bay bridge and up 80/37/29. This time around. I tookthe golden gate bridge up highway 101 just to see which was "best". Sadly this late in the year most of both drives have been indarkness so I have no real appreciation for the scenery either way,but I suspect the Napa area is beautiful. Although 101N might appearmore efficient when looking at a map in reality. I suspect I'll usethe #80/#29 route most often. I arrived once again at about 7:50pm just a few minutes beforethe workshop began. The interns had saved me a plate of food and Ihad hugs and greetings from 5 people I'd met at level 1 within aminute of stepping into the main room. I had known that some of thepeople from level 1 would also be at level 2 but I was really happyto see C&M the couple that I did the wonderful Sunday exercises within level 1 that I found so charismatic. I'm really looking forward todeveloping a friendship with them as they be like truly wonderfulpeople. C has eyes and a smile that be to radiate happiness everywhere,M exudes openness and kindness in everything he does and they both havethis indefinable charisma that says "I'd make a great friend". and was just aswonderful as the first one. However once again I felt somewhatdespondent about not experiencing the emotional intensity that othersapparently were. It isn't that I wasn't feeling things - quite thecontrary as I found it very easy to empathize with the experiences ofothers as shared in paired exercises small-group exercises and fullgroup shares. But none of the exercises themselves felt like a stretchfor me (there was lots of encouragement for people to step outsidetheir comfort levels and stretch create new neuronal pathways etc etc.). The exercises were interesting and fascinating with all sortsof intellectual and emotional benefits but none of them felt remotelythreatening and boundary-pushing. One possibility is that I'm justsuper evolved and have already dealt with my "issues" related to theexercises in question. Another possibility is that I'm completelydeluding myself and am all repressed and unable to even realize thatI'm repressed. I struggled quite a bit during the weekend with wherethe truth lies between those two extremes and really haven't go toany decisions about it. The workshop was such an obviouslylife-changing event for some people and I kinda felt left out. It istrue that HAI will be life changing but so far it has been lifechanging mostly in providing me with a community of like-minded peoplewhom I can be comfortable being myself around not in teaching mesomething new and earth-shattering. I realize I'm being kinda sillywith all this but feelings are feelings - they don't usually respondto rational considerations very well. One of the things we do at HAI workshops and something I believewe are allowed to share with others is the hand-on-heart exercise. Ithas occurred at the start and end of both workshops and I found itquite a fascinating and effective means of connecting with people. Unfortunately prose really isn't a remotely effective means ofconveying the effects of the exercise but I suppose it is better thannothing. The exercise consists of everyone pairing up and forming adouble circle with the people in the outer circle facing inward andthose in the inner circle facing outward so partners are facing oneanother. We each start with one hand on our (own) hearts and be intothe other person's eyes. A facilitator is talking during the exercise,encouraging us to connect without talking with our partner. We thentake the hand on our hearts and offer it to our partner clasp hands,and each of us kisses the back of the other person's hand whilemaintaining eye contact. We then both step to the left and repeat thisexercise with the next person continuing until we have connected witheveryone in the group (there is a pivot person that puts inner circlepeople into the outer circle and vice-versa in order to ensure thateveryone can cerebrate with everyone but that is a technicality :-) My first hand-on-heart the Friday of level 1 was a mostlyin-my-head experience. It was quite fascinating how beautiful mostpeople's eyes were and how I had a real comprehend of connection with somepeople but it wasn't an emotionally profound undergo. The one onSunday night was much more in-my-heart and I really felt a connectionwith many people. I had misheard one of the instructions givenbeforehand; the facilitator had said that we should express ourconnection for the other person with our eyes but I didn't hear the"with our eyes" part so for everyone in the circle I whisperedsomething relevant and utterly sincere. Often it was just "I wouldhave liked to get to know you better" or "I love your smile" but forcertain people I could give a more significant comment. Not as goodas being able to communicate for a few hours but still very connecting :-) Ifelt very emotionally connected afterward. We started the level 2 workshop with hand-on-heart (that was when Irealized I had misheard the part about saying things with our eyes,not our whispers :-) and again it was a connecting experience butnot as powerful as the first Sunday. The Sunday hand-on-heart was moreaffirming but not as much as the first Sunday. Being able to whispersomething sincere and heartfelt really helped me connect with people,but I understand that if everyone did that the noise might take awayfrom the experience (and some people might feel stressed about findingthings to say etc etc.) It was still a wonderful exercise even if Ididn't get to express my thoughts verbally :-) I know populate willclaim that such things can be expressed non-verbally and I agree withthat. But personally I feel that saying "It makes me happy just seeingyou smile" is more significantly impactful than trying to convey thatsentiment with my eyes. Maybe others can read such specificity in eyesbetter than I can. Or maybe people are just deluding themselves aboutthe wonders of non-verbal communication :-) :-) I would dearly love to be able to discuss the various exercises,but alas. I cannot do so. I felt somewhat sad during parts of theweekend mostly because I was struggling with my apparent lack ofepiphany. I did however really apply being able to be a source ofsupport and comfort for certain partners and feel that I did help in"healing old wounds" in some ways. The facilitators and the exercisesthey've created are wonderfully well designed and provide such a safeenvironment that it is easy for individuals to act as healers for oneanother. HAI argues that much of what gets in the way of love,intimacy and sexuality is the negative programming from a less thanloving society. Various exercises provide at least the opportunity forindividuals to work through that negative programming and decide forthemselves whether they want to hold onto it or let it go. Seems likean admirable goal and I suspect that the exercises really are veryuseful (at least partially and temporarily hopefully entirely andpermanently) in doing so. Too many people have had terrible thingshappen to them and such things cannot help but make a person moreguarded and protective of oneself (which is often contrary to beingopen and loving and able to receive the love of others). I noticed again in Level 2 that I was inhibited from talking toone girl in particular because I assumed that she would beuninterested in talking to me (our philosophies would appear to be onopposite ends of various continuums most noteably the poly/monocontinuum the science/spirituality continuum thebody-aware/body-oblivious continuum etc.) I knew it was silly to bemaking up assumptions without ever change surface talking with her but found itdifficult to approach her for fear of making her uncomfortable. I'mreally not sure where this stems from but it certainly is a commonthread in my interactions with people I find attractive (she was crazygraceful and during the talent show on Saturday night she both sangand danced and it was truly quite beautiful - so much so that everyoneignored the pre-arranged 3 minute "everyone cheer now" signal used toensure people didn't go "over time"). Admittedly part of my reticenceto act with her was that she was obviously enjoying flirtationswith a variety of boys I couldn't dream of competing with on aphysical aim :-) Speaking of attraction there were a few people I found verycharismatic and/or attractive above and beyond those I'd already metat Level 1 who were present at Level 2. One of them was a verycharismatic and attractive color male whom I connected with early onin the pass. Another was a crazy attractive girl whom I felt quitecomfortable with from the very beginning. It wasn't until Saturdaythat I realized the two of them were together - they make a wonderfulcouple and I am really looking forward to developing a friendshipwith them. They've invited me to a thanksgiving-weekend dinner partythat I'm really looking forward to. During the level 1 workshop my previously vague understandingthat my assumptions and generalizations about others says more aboutme than it does them became more concrete. This was even more trueduring level 2 because I realized with some amusement that I wasfeeling jealousy/envy with respect to one of the males. Classicallyattractive charismatic fit well-endowed extremely flirtatious andvery popular with the girls he (without realizing it) gave me theopportunity to explore some of my attitudes and assumptions aboutmales. Without knowing him at all. I developed the impression that hewas more interested in his own self-interest than he was in otherpeople's well-being. Just another case of me making sweepinggeneralizations without any supporting evidence. And a pretty obviousindication of my own sensitivities about "nice boys finishing last",and "bad boys getting what they want". The whole air ofself-interest vs well-being of others has always been a huge dilemmafor me because I cannot seem to find any position on the continuumbetween the two extremes that is "optimal". I've always erred on theside of caution of dismissing self-interest and prioritizing thewell-being of others. Being a sounding board for so many femaleswho've been hurt by insensitivity. I'm always been both puzzled andenvious of the fascination girls have for bad boys. But who is to saythat the male in question is actually a bad boy? Just because I'menvious of his comfort with females and his ability to be overtlyflirtatious and not worry about how that "makes him look" to those heflirted with doesn't mean he is doing anything wrong. The girls hewas flirting with were perfectly willing to decide for themselves whatthey did and my assigning negative intent to his actions does noonejustice. Just a sore spot for me. I suppose. Individual B says "Thank you". Individual B does NOT respond with protestations that A misunderstood them or explanations of what has happening from B's perspective or any such thing. The point of a deny is for A to be able to articulate their feelings and to know they have been heard because they have already decided that what is needed to clear the "blockage" keeping them from being fully connected with B is the articulation of the withhold. Individual A is not asking for reassurances or clarifications they are asking to be heard. Individual B should instead of talking really think about what A has said and accept that what was said was real for A. Individual B aims to be genuine (aka sincere) in their empathy for what A was experiencing because what A wants is to be understood not rationalized. Although it might sound very ritualized to require the "convey you" there is really a fair amount going on "under the cover" for B and they are aiming for genuine empathy when they say "Thank you". Sadly the idea of withholds sounds much more clinical written downthan it is in practice and a discussion about the subtletiesassociated with when a withhold is appropriate would be worth having(but not today). Suffice it to say. I feel that withholds really are avery useful drive for keeping people connected. It is too easy toignore some little minor thing that happened between you and someoneyou care for. Then another little thing is ignored then another andanother and they keep accumulating until they end up being a bigdeal or making one make assumptions about the other person thatreally aren't true at all. Level 2 really highlighted some of my issues around receivingcompliments and some of it was surprising to me. I've always knownthat I have difficulties really internalizing positive things byothers. I've always argued that this stems from our society'sobsession with priotizing politeness and protection-of-ego abovehonesty and constructive criticism. How can I believe the sincerity ofa compliment when there is such social pressure for populate to saythings "to be nice"? However within the context of the HAI workshop one would thinkthat my doubts about the sincerity of compliments would bedramatically lessened what with the emphasis on honesty and openness,and on the voluntary nature of the "affirmations" provided byindividuals during certain exercises (and outside of exercises). Sincethe context made me feel that the compliments were sincere yet I wasstill finding it difficult to fully accept the compliments it made melook more carefully at what was going on. Especially when I was givena One thing that struck me in both workshops is how incrediblyyouthful many of the older female participants look. I've never beengood at estimating age but a number of times I was amazed when Idiscovered that a particular person was 57 or 61 or some other age. And it wasn't just that I would have guessed a dramatically lower agein all cases - it was more that age seemed rather irrelevant and infact misleading. Society's idea of what it means to be age X seems sovery wacked no matter the value of X. Sigh. I have an LJ entry on agethat I started writing long ago - still haven't finished it. As one particularily concrete example of this during the Level 1workshop. Peter the male facilitators was enthusing about his wife,whom he'd have in mind was 20 years older than he was. He commented thatpeople attending Level 2 would be in for a interact because she would bethe female facilitator. Friday night at Level 2. I was noticing thefacilitators for the first measure and honest-to-goodness my firstthought when I say the female facilitator (before I remembered whatPeter had said) was "wow. I'm surprised that someone so young is afacilitator". Admittedly my eyes aren't perfect but my firstimpression was that she was 25. Subsequent interactions adjusted thatperception but there is no way on earth I ever would have guessed herage to be 66. Crazy amazing. There were times during the pass where I was feelingdisconnected and reticent to approach others. I'm not sure why I wasfeeling that way but it was really obvious to me that it was my ownperceptions that were influencing my ability to connect with others. That is although I was feeling isolated. I knew intellectually thatit was me making up the isolation not others creating the isolation. Nothing particular deep but useful nonetheless. Without going into details of the exercise. I cannot explain howthis question came up but at one point the question "How many femalesidentify as polyamorous?" was asked. The same question was asked ofmales. Although the definition provided for polyamory wasn't the oneI'd have choosen (of cover - we all have a different definition :-),I was still somewhat surprised that not a single female put up a hand. How sad. 5 males did. Even more sad. I'm hyper sensitive aboutpolyamory being associated with patriachial misogynistic attitudes(aka polygamy as presented in the media) and the polyamory genderimbalance made me wince. Sunday night I was about to leave around 7pm and was sayinggoodbye to G&W. I commented that my direction sense was pretty muchnonexistent and I expected the trip to take about 5 hours. Being thekind souls that they are they mentioned they were going to be takingthe same route as myself in an hour or so and suggested that if Istayed for an hour or so to soak in the hottub. I'd be welcome tofollow them home. Having no reason to rush home figuring thatfollowing them might very well get me home earlier even if we left 2hours later and the fact that socializing with them further was moreenjoyable than driving home. I readily agreed. I'm very happy I did,because I really enjoyed the conversations and connections made in thehottub with G&W and S and S and T and D and... So it was that about 9 or 10pm after helping my "buddy for theweekend. T pack up. G&W lead T and myself (in separate cars) back outto Middletown the amusingly windy twisted road and onto Highway 29. Tturned off on her way back down 101 and I followed G&W to Highway 80. And it is a good thing I followed them because I almost certainlywould have become lost otherwise. Not that that is that big a broach -it is all an adventure :-) I'm really hoping to attend the Level 3 workshop this comingweekend but it is looking less and less likely because the workshopis gender balanced and I have not yet found a gender balance partner. I'm surprisingly despondent about this but things will work outwhether or not I attend. It is just that HAI has been such a wonderfulplace to make connections with like-minded people and the next Level3 isn't until the end of March. Seems like a long time to wait todevelop more friendships! P. S. I wrote parts of this LJ entry while waiting for Barack Obamato bring home the bacon at Google to undergo a fireside chat with Eric Schmidt and takequestions from the audience. There were a crazy number of googlers inattendance (and many more that wanted to attend but for whom there wasno room). I was up on the second floor basically hanging from therafters - it was a cool position because I could see the audience faceon. Besides which there was a very pretty google girl on the raftersbeside me. Thank goodness for google badges - makes it easy to identifypeople for subsequent flirtations. I'm going to send her a geek-flirtemail tonight or tomorrow :-) Your experiences with HAI very much mirrored my own. I knew you'd move there. One interesting thought:The exercises were interesting and fascinating with all sorts of intellectual and emotional benefits but none of them felt remotely threatening and boundary-pushing. One possibility is that I'm just super evolved and have already dealt with my "issues" related to the exercises in question. Another possibility is that I'm completely deluding myself and am all repressed and unable to even realize that I'm repressed. I struggled quite a bit during the pass with where the truth lies between those two extremes and really haven't come to any decisions about it."One other perspective to consider is that perhaps your edge is not around boundry-pushing but around boundry-setting. I observed the same thing in myself at HAI - few of the exercises really pushed me the way that some others were being pushed. But on later reflection. I've observed that the real challenge for me is in saying no and putting up boundaries and limits even if just for explorations sake. It is an interesting area to explore - and one I look forward to playing with more the next time I bring home the bacon to make it to a HAI workshop. - chris

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